Read here to learn the main distinction between my approach and that of others in the field. It hinges on whether training for empaths depends on consciousness or on social skills.
A simple definition of consciousness is “Being awake inside.” You can direct that inner awakeness very easily, once you have an inner aha! about who you are as a knower. My system uses understandings and techniques that involve consciousness.
Other methods do not. Instead, they explore social skills, meaning behavior. Therapy often analyzes behavior, its implications, the problem with certain habits and the advantages of other habits.
Empowered by Empathy was the first book to show how to uses consciousness rather than social skills to become a Skilled Empath. A prequel is Become The Most Important Person in the Room. Using an approach based in consciousness can make all the difference between big success, slight success and, even, failure.
I applaud my colleagues who help clients with improving their social skills. Clearly, behavior is very important. So that can include striving to avoid Psychic Vampires and Energy Vampires.
And some people need to evolve by analyzing social skills. It seems safer than jumping into some big, abstract and (seemingly) unfamiliar thing called “consciousness.”
Some people have tried to explore consciousness through meditation or other practices and had very limited results. If that has been your experience, please don’t think, “Been there, done that.”
In today’s world, it is unlikely that you have taken this approach with sex.
Really! Imagine that you score your first kiss or grope at age 16. Results might have been great but not entirely satisfactory.
Even a lovely romance can end with a break-up. At the ripe age of 16, would you be tempted to say about sex, “Okay, been there, done that.”
Society will encourage you not to give up on sex. (Most of society, anyway.) And just look at where you are now with that love life!
Here is another inspiring example, I hope. Think back to what happened when you bought your first car. Maybe it was not the finest in the land. Maybe, like my first car, it cost $50 and then it broke down (pretty conclusively) the second time you ever tried to drive it. (Yes, that would be the sad tale of me and my very first car.)
With an experience like this, car ownership might not be working out the way you had hoped it would, but will you stop trying forever? Will you say, as if conclusively, “I know that having a car works for some people but I tried it and it didn’t really work for me”?
With spiritual growth, social encouragement isn’t so likely as with sex or car ownership. Exploring consciousness the first time, you might have been the most counter-culture person in your church. People could tell you that exploring consciousness was dangerous or even “The work of the Devil.”
What seems “scary” or “silly” to one group might seem to you like “a Godsend.”
Birds of a feather flock together
Folks like me, who teach about consciousness, have something in common with those who teach mainstream religion. There a teacher or clergy-person—maybe a religious denomination–sometimes even community–and probably several blogs by now–for every level of consciousness.
Depending upon your level of spiritual evolution, you will gravitate toward the teachers and people on your present wavelength.
But without judging the value of one wavelength over another, here is a basic consumer-type fact. I base this observation on two things, my personal experience and what I have encountered professionally, working in this field for nearly four decades.
Some teachers of religion and/or spirituality do not do what they claim. You think you’ve had some pretty disappointing experiences with cars or sex?
Well, that’s nothing by comparison with the confusion that can await the innocent mind-body-spirit consumer. So regardless of whatever you have been through, don’t give up on developing your consciousness!
And for a chuckle, you might want to check out the concept of The Third Teacher in Let Today Be a Holiday.
What, you want a practical example of what I mean by using consciousness rather than social skills?
Surely you have heard the concept of boundaries. It gives rise to complex questions like these:
- How do you limit behavior with others?
- Do you give everything to anybody who happens to ask?
- Do you pay attention to other people’s feelings rather than your own?
- Might your personality change, depending on who you are with?
- Could you find it hard to stick up for yourself, you’re so busy advocating for somebody else’s point of view?
Practical way to heal or meaningful hobby? You decide.
No matter which gift(s) you have as an empath, until you become skilled there will be problems with boundaries. Problems galore!
Therefore, the social skill approach is to change behavior. Become aware of your boundaries. Analyze where you are getting hurt, then cut that old hurtful stuff out! Put yourself first! Avoid toxic people! Avoid narcissists! And banish those energy vampires!
One can have deep discussions about boundaries, but (with all respect) these discussions are still relatively shallow. Consciousness goes far deeper.
Think about the type of boundary where you, typically, have trouble. Is it about emotions? Money? Sex? What?
So long as you stay stuck at the level of this boundary problem, you are unlikely to make much lasting progress. The techniques I have developed for skilled empaths involve something different: Using your consciousness to claim all of who you are.
You are more than your emotions or environment or love relationship. Who are you? Maybe there are several versions of you… and I’m not referring to multiple personality disorder, either.
Self-knowledge is a lovely side effect of my approach to becoming skilled as an empath.
- Learn to turn your empath gift(s)s OFF. Over time you will learn more and more about who you really are.
- Then you turn your empath gift(s) ON, with skill. You will learn about others with a depth that is absolutely mind-boggling.
- And yes, you develop great wisdom to know the difference.
But that wisdom comes from experience, not setting rules. Why merely analyze a problem when, instead, you can solve it?
Furthermore, working with boundaries psychologically or socially can be difficult. By contrast, moving consciousness is a breeze. And the more experience you have with your empathic skills, traveling into or outside yourself will become easier and breezier!
One More Difference
Another practical difference between my system of Empath Empowerment (TM) and what you’ll find elsewhere involves defining what it means to be an empath.
Whether you research other books or you surf the Net, how will others define being an empath? Usually the conversation is all about emotions. This is pretty limiting, considering all the empath gifts you might, personally, have.
But even considering emotional gifts alone, consider the importance of using consciousness rather than social skills to develop your gifts.
You could spend years discussing your feelings about toxic people or energy vampires or narcissists or why it is so hard for you to just plain be yourself, darn it. Oh, the pain! Ouch, the angst!
You could require a group to give you support (as Karla McLaren recommended in her work before she disavowed it, resigning from her work as an empath). Sure you could do that, but why? It still won’t move other people’s pain out of your aura.
Unless you turn your empath gift(s) OFF on purpose, those gifts will run throughout your waking hours. Automatically, you will take on pain that belongs to other people. It will lodge in your energy field.
Ironically, you won’t even be helping people much by doing this kind of service. As a Skilled Empath, you will be far more effective. And you will also go free.